Some days . . . .

Some days I feel more southern than others.

Some days I just want a big ole glass of iced tea and some Ritz crackers.

Some days I just want to have someone drop by and sit a spell.

Some days I want to carry on a whole conversation with the person in the next stall.

Some days I want to ride the tractor with my grandpa.

Some days I want to smile at someone and receive a smile back.

Some days I want to walk into a room of friends and be greeted with a “Hey!  How are you?”

Some days I want to just let my hair down and be myself without “offending” anyone.

Some days I don’t want to have any expectations placed upon me.

Some days I want to tell other people just how rude they are and how they need a good lesson in Southern manners.

Some days I just want to live in the South again . . . .today was one of those days!

Family

The family’s visit is coming to an end . . . boo hoo . . . boo hoo . . . boo hoo.  I love my family so much.  This is why . . . .

 

We laugh until we can’t breathe.

 We make fun of the funny way Nana says things.

 I get my southern accent back – ya’ll.

 The cousins play and play and play and fight and make up and giggle.

 The cousins sing all their favorite “God” songs together (LOVE THIS!!!!).

 With my family, I’m not “The Pastor’s Wife”.  I’m just a wife, mom, baby girl, big sister, crazy aunt, and pesky sister-in-law. 

Even though we disagree on “stuff”, we talk animatedly about it and then move on.

We love each other fiercely in spite of our faults and quirks.

We belong.

Friendship

Why are friendships so hard?  Why do we judge and compare?  I was doing some reading today about friendship and several things struck me.

 

1.      We are not guaranteed or entitled to heart friends. They are gifts of grace from God.  We don’t deserve them. When we catch glimpses of this sisterly grace, we must receive it with deep gratitude. (I thought for many years that I deserved friends.  God has changed my thinking.)

 

2.      Friendship does not come easily. We tend to believe the myth that friendship should be easy or require little effort. It is neither.  It takes effort -HUGE effort.  (This means I have to invest, love, TRUST, communicate, be open . . . all of which are HARD.  It is easy to call someone a friend, but hard to actually be a friend.)

 

3.     We put parameters on our friendships - they have to go to my church, they have to have the same-age kids, I have to like their husband, they can't be in a different life stage, they have to be on the same page spiritually, they have to have the same interests.   All of these parameters limit the gift of grace we might receive.   (I’ve had people tell me these things. . . you like to shop, I don’t . . . you like TV, I don’t . . .you like . . . .you get the idea.  But I also like talking . . . really talking . . .sharing our hearts, praying, encouraging.  I’ve been “blown off” because I wasn’t like someone else.)

4.     I CANNOT be friends with everybody.  What?  Is that right?  God says I must be friendly, but it is impossible to be true friends with everyone.  I have been told that because my husband is a pastor, I should be friends with everyone.  I can’t.  Period.  And, quite frankly, no one can.  I should be friendly to everyone (as should EVERY Christian).  I should show love and compassion to everyone (as should EVERY Christian).  These things I MUST do.  Period.

 

5.      There are times in my life that I will not have a heart friend.  God knows.  When it comes down to it, God is ALL I need.  I’ve learned this through times of trial . . . infertility, adoptions, ministry issues, financial struggles, etc. 

 

Sometimes the way is lonely
And steep and filled with pain
So if your sky is dark and pours the rain, then
Cry to Jesus
Cry to Jesus
Cry to Jesus and live!

 I’m grateful for the friends God has graced me with through the years!  I pray I always remember that they are a gift of grace and each so very special!

17 years ago . . .

June 3, 2012 . . . 17 years of marriage . . . thinking back to June 3, 1995 . . . 2:00pm . . . hearing the wedding march . . . walking down the aisle . . .one hour later I was Mrs. John Jewers.  Was I ready to be married?  Were we prepared for life together? NO, but God knew what he was doing better than we did.  I have been so blessed to have John’s love, support, care, help, guidance, prayer, encouragement, etc. over the last 17 years.  Do I deserve it?  Mostly, no! J  I am not the easiest person to live with (be shocked!) J  It just reminds me of another’s love that I do not deserve.  God sees me to my core.  He knows every evil thing in me.  Yet, He loves me!!  My small brain cannot even fathom this concept, but my heart responds with joy, praise, worship, humility and quite often a WOOHOO!!!!!!

When I realized that our anniversary was on a Sunday, I was, quite frankly, disappointed.  This is our busiest day of the week, and John’s attention has to be focused elsewhere.  Refreshingly, this was an amazing day.  How better to spend the day than worshipping the God that created us, gave us each other, and keeps us together?  Church was AWESOME, communion was a great time of reflection, and fellowship with other believers was uplifting.  Friends took the kids for the afternoon so John and I could have some time alone.  John took me to Texas Roadhouse for a delicious lunch.  He bought me a KEURIG!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!  My kids gave us homemade cards.  Alana had been thinking about our anniversary since April, and had worked every day to make us a card for each day.  My heart is so full that I feel like a blubbering idiot!  I can’t put my words in any form or poetic order.  I’m so humbled and thankful and overwhelmed and BLESSED!

Snuggles

 

Last night as I was putting Buddy to bed (hugandprayandkisstime . . . said all in one breath with his cute little dimpled smile), he informed me that Saturday morning was going to be snuggle time with me!  As soon as his feet hit the floor, he was snuggled up beside me.  The only little teeny tiny problem was that I didn’t sleep very much last night.  I was TIRED!!!  However, I could not go back to sleep with his big green eyes staring up at me.  So I asked . . . “Whatcha thinkin’ buddy?”  (yes that is how I talk!)  This is what he said “Mom, how do birth marks form?”  I then got a ten minute discourse on his opinion.  He then prattled on about . . . well, I have forgotten. . . .but he talked and talked and talked and talked some more.  My eyelids were heavy and I fought to stay awake.  Why?  Because I know these times are precious and fleeting.  In fact, once he heard his sister turn on the Saturday morning cartoons, he said “Mom, I should really let you sleep.  Thanks for snuggling with me!”  You are welcome Buddy . . . anytime!

Moments that take your breath away . . . .

We all experience these moments.

Some are good.

Some are bad.

My moment today came as I had one whole hour all to myself.  I sat thinking about Alana and Aidan and their incredible path to our family.  That took my breath away.  Remembering the years of pain and prayer, rejoicing in the moment of holding them for the first time, reminiscing about the laughs and fun as they are growing . . .

Then my breath was taken as I thought about their future, their adoption questions, their desire to want to know more about their birth families . . . that moment . . .this moment . . . brings physical pain to my heart as I wonder what will be.  Only those who have been here know this moment.  Only those who have been here know the prayer that follows.  Only those who have been here know the loneliness. 

Now, God gently reminds me that HE knows, understands and loves.  I can trust HIM fully with the future questions or situations.  I can trust HIM fully with my tears and fears.   I can trust HIM fully as I wait for that next breath-taking moment!