Friendship

Why are friendships so hard?  Why do we judge and compare?  I was doing some reading today about friendship and several things struck me.

 

1.      We are not guaranteed or entitled to heart friends. They are gifts of grace from God.  We don’t deserve them. When we catch glimpses of this sisterly grace, we must receive it with deep gratitude. (I thought for many years that I deserved friends.  God has changed my thinking.)

 

2.      Friendship does not come easily. We tend to believe the myth that friendship should be easy or require little effort. It is neither.  It takes effort -HUGE effort.  (This means I have to invest, love, TRUST, communicate, be open . . . all of which are HARD.  It is easy to call someone a friend, but hard to actually be a friend.)

 

3.     We put parameters on our friendships - they have to go to my church, they have to have the same-age kids, I have to like their husband, they can't be in a different life stage, they have to be on the same page spiritually, they have to have the same interests.   All of these parameters limit the gift of grace we might receive.   (I’ve had people tell me these things. . . you like to shop, I don’t . . . you like TV, I don’t . . .you like . . . .you get the idea.  But I also like talking . . . really talking . . .sharing our hearts, praying, encouraging.  I’ve been “blown off” because I wasn’t like someone else.)

4.     I CANNOT be friends with everybody.  What?  Is that right?  God says I must be friendly, but it is impossible to be true friends with everyone.  I have been told that because my husband is a pastor, I should be friends with everyone.  I can’t.  Period.  And, quite frankly, no one can.  I should be friendly to everyone (as should EVERY Christian).  I should show love and compassion to everyone (as should EVERY Christian).  These things I MUST do.  Period.

 

5.      There are times in my life that I will not have a heart friend.  God knows.  When it comes down to it, God is ALL I need.  I’ve learned this through times of trial . . . infertility, adoptions, ministry issues, financial struggles, etc. 

 

Sometimes the way is lonely
And steep and filled with pain
So if your sky is dark and pours the rain, then
Cry to Jesus
Cry to Jesus
Cry to Jesus and live!

 I’m grateful for the friends God has graced me with through the years!  I pray I always remember that they are a gift of grace and each so very special!