Snuggles

 

Last night as I was putting Buddy to bed (hugandprayandkisstime . . . said all in one breath with his cute little dimpled smile), he informed me that Saturday morning was going to be snuggle time with me!  As soon as his feet hit the floor, he was snuggled up beside me.  The only little teeny tiny problem was that I didn’t sleep very much last night.  I was TIRED!!!  However, I could not go back to sleep with his big green eyes staring up at me.  So I asked . . . “Whatcha thinkin’ buddy?”  (yes that is how I talk!)  This is what he said “Mom, how do birth marks form?”  I then got a ten minute discourse on his opinion.  He then prattled on about . . . well, I have forgotten. . . .but he talked and talked and talked and talked some more.  My eyelids were heavy and I fought to stay awake.  Why?  Because I know these times are precious and fleeting.  In fact, once he heard his sister turn on the Saturday morning cartoons, he said “Mom, I should really let you sleep.  Thanks for snuggling with me!”  You are welcome Buddy . . . anytime!

Moments that take your breath away . . . .

We all experience these moments.

Some are good.

Some are bad.

My moment today came as I had one whole hour all to myself.  I sat thinking about Alana and Aidan and their incredible path to our family.  That took my breath away.  Remembering the years of pain and prayer, rejoicing in the moment of holding them for the first time, reminiscing about the laughs and fun as they are growing . . .

Then my breath was taken as I thought about their future, their adoption questions, their desire to want to know more about their birth families . . . that moment . . .this moment . . . brings physical pain to my heart as I wonder what will be.  Only those who have been here know this moment.  Only those who have been here know the prayer that follows.  Only those who have been here know the loneliness. 

Now, God gently reminds me that HE knows, understands and loves.  I can trust HIM fully with the future questions or situations.  I can trust HIM fully with my tears and fears.   I can trust HIM fully as I wait for that next breath-taking moment!