Three weeks ago, we made the decision to let our baby girl go to a week of church camp! She was thrilled and immediately began making a list of everything she wanted to take. I, on the other hand, went about my life as if nothing was happening! If I ignore it, it won't happen, right??? Right!!!!! Guess what? Today, I took her to camp! As I was standing in line to register her, one of the camp workers reminded me that, "She's not yours anyway!" Now, I knew that the worker was referring to the fact that my baby belongs to God and she is on "loan" to me. But for a moment, my mind and heart seized with the thought that can be one of my biggest fears . . . .my baby girl, though she belongs to me legally, is not from me. I don't know if other adoptive parents struggle with these kinds of thoughts, but today I did. Today, I battled the "what if's", the "how comes", the "what is going to happen" questions all day. I beat myself up that I'm not a better mom, wife, friend, Christian, etc. And then I got an e-mail from my babies foster parents. They are retiring after 14 years. I wept (for the umpeenth time today)! But this time the weeping was out of gratitude. Steve and Trudy took us into their home and family 10 years ago. They showed us God's love in very practical, tangible ways. They cared for our baby girl before they even knew she would be our baby girl. They didn't lay claim to her as "their" baby. They bathed and fed and clothed and diapered her knowing full well she was on "loan" to them. What a sacrifice!!
So, yes, my baby is not mine. She belongs to a God that does and will care for her much like Steve and Trudy did 10 years ago. BUT, I am ever so thankful that God in His wisdom "loaned" her to us!
